Since one of my children was about 3 years old I've slowly been having my heart changed. This child asked me if I thought it would be weird if he married a boy. We had been talking about mommy's and daddy's and getting married etc. I stopped dead in my tracks and realized right there in that split second that I had a choice to make. I had two options. First I could go with the diatribe I had always been taught in the LDS church which is that being homosexual is a sin, it's something that can be "fixed" and that marriage is ONLY between men and women period end of story. God will not accept you if you are gay and you are a sinner if you marry someone of the same sex. Or second, I could show love and change my heart and my brain and give the kind and good answer which was "I don't think that's weird at all. People can love whoever they want as long as they are a kind and good person and you love them it's completely fine"
I went with the second option and let my 3yo baby know that whatever he did in the future would be fine with me. He of course squealed in his 3yo voice and said "that would be sooo weird momma" but I assured him it would not be weird at all.
That day I believe I planted a seed, a seed of safety. He knew right then and there that I was safe and would love him no matter what. I also planted a seed in myself, a seed of seeking out LGBTQ friends, looking for more ways to love them and also learning as much as I could about the community so I had knowledge and resources on my side when that same sweet 3yo grew up and brought home that first boyfriend and I would greet them with love.
Little did I know that cute skinny 3yo would be preceded in his "coming out" by two of my older children! Thank goodness he asked his question so early as it prepared me for my future as an LGBTQ momma and auntie.
Fast forward to 2023 and here I sit in my rainbow cardigan with my converse on which have rainbow laces and type a blog post about being an LGBTQ mom. See right now in the United States it's a little scary for some of our Transgender youth and adults to just be who they are and live their lives. A few states have passed anti-trans laws making their mere existence illegal. Thankfully I live in a state that supports and is safe for my kiddos.
I have 3 trans youth in my life. Three humans who are freaking amazing. Three humans that get up every morning get dressed, go to work or school, scroll social media, watch movies and TV, eat meals and clean their rooms, drive cars, have jobs and career aspirations, own businesses, brush their teeth, use bathrooms...All. Just. Like. Everyone. Else!!!!!!!!!!! They aren't trying to be exceptional (except they are) they aren't out knocking on doors trying to convert people to the "trans-side" These trans humans are just living lives just like you and me.
There are some transgender people who are out there representing for the community. Some are actors, social media creators and influencers, writers, or they are in the media. They are trying to educate people, they are out there so the trans people who are living their lives have representation. There are as many ways to live as an LGBTQ person as there are LGBTQ people, just as there are as many ways to live as a CIS Hetero person as there are CIS Hetero people.
Yesterday someone that I was friends with on Facebook posted a very transphobic article. Frankly I was a little shocked. I've known this person for decades. We've never been super close but we ran in kind of the same circles when we were single and attending a singles ward in California in our early 20's. She has always been kind to me, she has raised a good family and she has also been very kind to us in the past when we needed a little extra help. Without me asking or even hinting about our financial needs she once purchased something from my business and send in payment that was double what she owed. I've also gotten a huge package from her full of adorable things that she just "saw and thought of me". This is the kind of person I knew. So this anti-trans post kinda shocked me. I tried to speak my mind about it and was shut down. It was clear her mind could not be changed. Did I do it the right way? Probably not, I could have privately messaged her but I chose to call it out right there on her FB post. I was not mean I just maybe came across defensive. I had to delete her from facebook. Some would say "but she's a good person, you can't discount all the good she has done by one belief/post/opinion" Here's the thing, YES I can. I don't have time in my life for people who don't give me peace. You can disagree with my religions stand, disagree with my politics, my choice of clothing, my hairstyle, my homesteading ways...what you can't disagree with is the way someone was born. There's literally NOTHING anyone can do about the way they or someone else was born. I'll never understand those that say "I don't agree with being gay", ummm...ma'am...It's not something you can agree or disagree with it literally just IS. It would be like disagreeing with the sky being blue. "my opinion is the sky is yellow" doesn't make the sky yellow.
Having an opinion or disagreeing with someone's sexuality or identity or orientation isn't a thing. You can't have an opinion or disagree with something that can't be changed. For years I disagreed with the size of my nose. My opinion was that it was WAY too big. Too freaking bad Syndy it's how you were born! Now if I wanted to have surgery to change it no one would even bat an eye at that decision. However if a trans person wants to have a nose job to look for feminine or masculine suddenly it's a federal case. The logic doesn't track.
Parents of LGBTQ kids, especially trans kids are trying our best. We follow what doctors have researched and taught us, we believe our trans kids when they tell us they need to change, some of us are just doing everything we can to keep our trans youth alive long enough to make decisions down the road. You can't make decisions if your dead and that's the reality of a lot of parents with trans youth, they are doing everything they can to keep them alive because they love them and want what's best for them. Period.
You shouldn't ignorantly post anti LGBTQ/Trans articles and things without first getting to know some LGBTQ/Trans people. The quickest way to love someone is to get to know them. So go volunteer at your local Pride event, join some facebook groups to hear stories from queer people and their allies, make a gay friend, donate some money to an organization who supports queer folx like Momma Dragons or PFLAG, follow some trans creators like Mercury Stardust or Dylan Mulvaney or Local Lezbian (there are hundreds of them!) Speak out when you see injustice or homophobic messages on social media. Let people know we won't stand for it anymore. If I can grow up mormon and be indoctrinated for over 30 years hearing that gay people are evil and have my heart and mind changed then you can too!
MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!!!...VOTE to put people in office that will protect queer rights. They came for women, they came for LGBTQ who will they come for next?