Family...that's a HUGE theme in mormonism. Like HUGE...like the be all and end all. Families are sealed together for eternity in the temples, couples are encouraged to have as many children as they can as fast as they can, marriage is the ultimate goal of all single people in the church etc...
Many people that leave the church find themselves standing at a crossroads with their families. Some lose their spouses, some have children that don't speak to them, extended families are often alienated. The mantra that Families are Forever is very important because if you aren't a true believing member with all your covenants in a row then you're not going to be with them for eternity. You're basically jeopardizing your eternal salvation by leaving the church. On social media platforms of ex-mormon's I see so many posts of people struggling because leaving the church meant losing their families in one way or another.
I am one of the lucky ones. Lucky in the fact that my family is pretty rad all around AND they also respect others decisions and are mostly out of the church. My husband left the church around 8 years ago. I'm not him so I'll just speak to what I know and things I've gleaned about his exit. He didn't have a "faith crisis" that I'm aware of, but he did have a lot of anxiety around church attendance after a very traumatic illness that he had in 2014. After his recovery he never really picked back up attending church. I struggled for 6 years to get the children to church each week fighting them on church clothes and bath time and getting in the car to make the 40 minute trip to our ward building. They were naughty in sacrament meeting and begged to go home the whole 3 hours. It was not a fun or relaxing day of rest for me at all. Around 2019 (right before Covid) I decided to let them be. They saw Chris staying home each week and of course staying home and watching cartoons looked a lot more fun than attending church where they had to sit still and obey lots of rules. I stopped making them attend and honestly they came about once every few months and that was enough for them. My older 3 kids were already out of the church by the end of this time. I decided that church was going to be about MY spiritual life and focused on that. I attended church alone for about 2 years (zoom during Covid).
During this time I was a teacher in the Relief Society. This is a calling that I LOVE. I waited my whole life for this calling and finally when I got it is when I started questioning it all...funny how that works. I asked hard questions of those women, I started uncomfortable discussions and made some really good friends. At the beginning of the summer I decided that I was just going to attend Relief Society. I wasn't going to attend the other meetings and I would just be with the sisters and try and make a difference where I was. That lasted about 2 months before I realized that I just needed to be out completely.
Anyway back to family. My hubby and kids were already out. My brother left the church when he was young so that was a non-issue. My mom accidentally found out that I had left on a Facebook post I made on a page we are both members of. I had totally forgotten she was on that page and I felt really bad. My parents are still members. They attend via Zoom since my moms health is not good, however when I told them I was leaving the church they totally understood. It's hard for my mom sometimes, I think, because we are taught that we won't be an eternal family now. However I don't believe that for one gosh darn second! My beliefs have changed so much over the last few months that if there is a heaven and we are eternal beings then it stands to reason that there is a way and a plan for us all that doesn't necessarily involve us all being members of the same church. Anyhoo...I digress...
So over all I think I'm pretty fortunate with my family and their acceptance of me no matter what I choose. I am saddened for those that don't have that same privilege. And yes I do know that it is a privilege.
No comments:
Post a Comment